This,
Is a list.
(a list does not tell the whole story).
It’s been 68 days since my dear Kassandra set up a go fund me to support my midwifery journey.
Within this passing of time I have sat at the feet of 16 birthing people as they labored to bring their babies earthside. (This means a birth every 4 days, but I will tell you that birth does not do math problems, and it doesn’t always happen in one day)
I have attended 30 prenatal appointments in clinic. Listening to parents and babies through bodies and heart tones and blood pressures and pulses,
developing my hands as my eyes.
Listening to stories, and intentions, to prayers.
Listening.
I have sat in the homes of families as they learn their new shape; swooning and sweating and bleeding and grieving and loving. Becoming. Weighing babies in fish scales and listening to lungs and the stories.
So many stories.
I have
completed a Neonatal Resuscitation course,
drawn blood from my preceptors arms, twice on both sides (thank you, Nancy),
I have drawn up meds (and administered them),
cracked the oxygen tank many times over (luckily have not had to use that yet).
and SO MUCH CHARTING (this is *becoming a skill).
I have gone to bed at 7pm more than I can count on one hand, and woken to call in the wee hours of the morning more than I can count on two.
I have canceled 8 out of 10 paid work days to be at births in the last month.
I have asked for help. I have asked for help. I have asked for help.
I have laughed, and cried, and picked fights about things that didn't matter with people I love, because we do that sometimes.
I have taken my dog to the pond to see our neighbor heron,
and the bare beech tree at the waters edge, beside my favorite oak.
I have fallen in love with my own long November shadow and squealed with delight as I heard rain drops as I was cozy in my warm bed.
I have doubted myself,
but more than that I have been full of intention and affirmation.
________
I have called for,
I call for
a ceasefire from across the world,
Long Live Palestine.
This is a list.
And this here, is a note.
To say wow, wow, wow, this is a lot.
And to say, that these last 68 days have been SO rich with the support of my people (notes, and calls, and hugs, and tears, and prayers, and food, and animal check-ins, and, and, and.)
An official update about my midwifery journey is news that I started my apprenticeship at the San Francisco Birth Center at the beginning of October. My preceptor is an incredible midwife and teacher. She has generously welcomed me into the practice with an eagerness to support my growth in ways that allow me to feel simultaneously held, valued, and challenged as I continue to learn and grow my skills. I am grateful, and very proud to be learning here.
These last few months have felt hard in many ways, but/ and amidst the difficulties of what it takes to be a midwifery student in an unpaid and demanding apprenticeship are the constant reminders that this is something that I love. This is something that I trust.
This work matters in ways beyond my knowing, but I do know that I belong here.
And as I continue to choose this path, the support of my community continues to be the nourishment that allows me to sustain. So many have generously offered financial support, which is the reason I am able to do this. I will continue to ask you to share my GoFundMe with your people, and to contribute that you can as I continue to move through my apprenticeship.
Thank you so much for the ways that you have contributed to my success.
Being here, reading the words that I write, is a tremendous gift.
That’s it for now.
XO, m